Submission to Husbands

Some Christian men use Eph 5:22-24 as justification for requiring their wives to submit their will and obey their instructions. Few see the funny side of this claim.

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands… Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

According to this passage, wives should submit to their husbands in the same way that the church submits to Jesus. This seems to be a very low standard. For most of history, the church seems to have done its own thing. It has rarely obeyed Jesus.

Jesus never forces the church to do his will. Rather he loves it, and forgives again and again for disobeying and failing to do what he asked it to. The church tends to pay lip service to obeying Jesus, but has mostly done what it chooses to do and asked God to bless it so that it appears to be his will.

So, when a husband says that his wife should obey his commands in the way that the church obeys Jesus, he is setting a very low bar. A wife who follows the example of the church would take the benefits that he provides but ignore his instructions. A woman who obeys her husband in the same way as the church obeys Jesus can choose what instructions she wants to acknowledge and just ignore the rest

Intercession and Authority (3) Released by Submission

Authority works the other way too. If I submit to a person or organisation, then I give them authority over my life. For example, if I submit to a government by voting in and election or asking them to provide services, I am giving that government authority over me. They have usually already claimed authority over me, but my submission authenticates their authority.

Likewise, when I submit to the elders or pastors of a church, I am giving them authority over me. They might already claim that God has already given them authority over me, but that is not right, because in the Kingdom of God, authority comes from the bottom up through submission, not by being imposed from the top down. Anyway, if I submit to the pastor and elders claiming authority over me, I am authenticating their authority.

When we submit to the leaders of an organisation, religious or political, we give them authority in lives, which also gives any spiritual powers that dominate them authority in our lives. By submitting to a government (local or central) I give the spiritual powers that work through it access to my life. Likewise, by submitting to the pastor or elders of a church, I give any spirits that have an influence in their lives access into mine.

We should be careful about how we submit in the workplace by being clear that we are only submitting on work-related issues, but not spiritual ones. In our prayers, we should declare to any spiritual power that controls our employer, that we have not given them authority in our lives.

Love and Submission (7) The Father and the Son

Many people see authority as prior to submission, ie authority requires submission. God the Father has authority, so Jesus the Son must submit to him.

If they really understood authority, they would put it the other way around. Relations of submission and authority would be quite different.

Authority can be obtained in two ways.

• Authority can be taken, usually taken with threats of force.
• Authority can be given, by some agreeing to submit to the wisdom of another.

Authority is not something innate in a person’s character.

If the relationship between the Father and the Son begins with the authority of the Father, it cannot be something innate in the person of the Father. The Father would only have authority over the son, if he could force the Son to obey him. This would be domination of the Son by the Father, or Imposed Authority. The Son would be subordinate to the Father, so not truly divine.

The only way that the Father can have authority over the Son is if the Son freely submits to the Father, creating the authority of the Father. Free submission creates the authority of the person submitted to. This authority is temporary and limited. The person given authority only gets authority over the aspects of life that are submitted to them. If the person submitting withdraws their submission, the authority created disappears.

The relationship between the Father and the son must be a relationship of submission and authority, in which the Son gives authority to the Father by freely submitting to him. The submission of the Son would come first and create the authority of the Father.

If there is something innate in the God the Father that means that Jesus has to obey him, then that is not really authority. That would be domination of the Son, which would mean that he is not equal with the Father, but subordinate.

There is no place for Imposed Authority in the Trinity. The Father would never impose his will on the Son. He would not threaten him, if he chose not to obey.

If the Son submits to the Father, it will be because he loves him. Therefore, at the point where the Father tells the Son what to do, he has no authority. Rather, the Son creates authority for the Father by freely submitting to his command. There is no need for the Father to “exert authority” or “express authority” because the Son loves him. Instead, the Father receives authority from the Son, when he freely submits to his will.

Love and Submission (6) Business

Business authority is free authority. A business begins when some people with skills and spare assets hand authority over them to a business organisation that they create. Pooling assets increases their effectiveness.

Businesses have limited and temporary authority. Investors can sell their shares in the business, at any time. Lenders can terminate their loans, when they fall due. Employees can resign from their employment. No one has to buy the goods and services produced. The temporary authority over wealth and life that has been submitted to the business can be withdrawn at any time. If the business is liquidated, the authority it exercised evaporates.

Employees have to submit to their employer’s authority, but that is the condition of their accepting employment with the business. They agree to submit to their employer for a specific part of their week in exchange for a specific wage or salary. The employer pays for the submission of their employees, so the employees do not have to love their employer. If the employer gets violent, or loses their respect, employees can resign from their position.

Many people feel like their employer has imposed authority over them, but that is not true. An employee can end their employer’s authority in their life at any time, by resigning. This is the difference between an employee and a slave. Slaves cannot resign from their owners. They are stuck under their authority. An employee can resign. It might be economically painful, if they have difficulty getting new employment, but they do have that freedom.

Businesses operate under Free Authority, which is the best type of authority. They can give instructions to their staff, but they cannot use physical force to make them do things against their will. Only governments have that power. A business can only exercise Imposed Authority if it is empowered by a government.

In the modern world, business have colluded with their government to gain additional authority that God has not given. Limited liability and other corporate laws have allowed businesses to become very large with enormous hierarchies of monopoly power. These huge conglomerates provide great opportunities for the powers of darkness. They concentrate their efforts on the senior management, because it gives them control over vast resources. These people tend to have big egos, so the power plays are usually successful.

God prefers family businesses. As the Kingdom of God advances, large businesses will be chopped up and spread around. Smaller family-owned business will abound.

Love and Submission (5) Fathers and Sons

The relationship between a father and a son begins with love, not authority. When a baby is born, all the father can do is love and provide for his son. He has no authority to tell his baby son what to do, because the son cannot speak or understand commands.

As he grows the son submits to his father authority, because recognises his father’s love. The father can reinforce his authority by picking up the son and carrying where he wants him to go. He can also strengthen his authority with sanctions, such as timeout or loss of privileges.

If the father threatens physical force, he might obey his father out of fear, but that is not ideal. Physical discipline creates imposed authority, because the resulting submission is due to fear, not love.

When the son gets older, he realises that he does not have to obey his father, if he does not want to. The father’s authority can disappear, if his son does not understand his father’s love.

Adult sons usually leave their father’s home. They will continue to appreciate their father’s advice, so the father still has limited authority in his son’s life.

Love and Submission (4) Elders and Husbands

The scriptures do not give elders authority. Elders are commanded to watch over people, serve them and protect them. But they are not given authority to control them.

Because we are engaged in a spiritual battle, new Jesus-followers are encouraged to submit to elders. This free action gives authority to the elder (an elder does not have an innate authority). They only have authority that is created when someone submits to them. If the people submitting lose their respect for the elder and withdraw their submission, the elder loses their authority.

Elders often demand that people in their church submit to them. This is a false understanding of authority. If people must obey them, they are exercising domination and control, which is a distortion of true authority. True authority is given freely by submission, it cannot be demanded.

The same applies to husbands and wives. Wives are urged to submit to their husbands (just as husbands have to submit to the will of their wives, because they love them). Husbands do not have an innate authority that allows them to demand that their wives obey them. Demanded obedience is actually domination.

Submission that cannot be freely withdrawn at any time, is domination and control, not true authority.

Christians should stop claiming that they have authority, because they are male or mature, or have been appointed to a particular role. They should earn authority, by loving, serving and demonstrating wisdom.

A person with authority can issue a command and know that it will be acted on. This can occur for two reasons.

• The person with authority has power or the ability to compel the person to obey. The soldier obeyed the centurion, because he knew that if he disobeyed, the whole wait of the Roman Empire would come down on him. This is Imposed Authority.

• The person receiving the command loves and trusts, the person issuing the command and has freely chosen to submit to them. I call this Free Authority. A person gains authority when someone freely submits to them, because they love them. The person submitting actually creates the authority of the person they submit to. That means that they can take the authority away, if they lose their trust, and stop submitting.

Love and Submission (3) Active not Passive

Submission in the New Testament is active, not passive. The Greek word “upotasso” means to place yourself under another. The person submitting actively places themselves under the person that they have chosen to submit to. This is a free action. This gives the person that they submit to authority in their life. It also means that they can remove the authority if they decide not to submit.

Christians often present submission as passive. They assume that a person with authority can demand that others submit to them, but this is a distortion of true authority. Submission is a choice.

If a person has to submit, then they do not have a choice, and they have lost the freedom that God created in them. Demanded submission is domination.

True biblical submission is voluntary. If the person with authority is unreasonable, immoral, or unlawful, the people who have submitted to them are free to withdraw their submission.

Submission has to be earned with love and service. If they person with authority stops loving and serving, they will lose their authority, because people will stop submitting to them.

A person who submits creates the authority of another person. This gives them the power to destroy the authority too, if it goes wrong. Allowing people with authority to demand submission, eliminates this protection, and encourages domination and control. This is wrong. Authority must be controlled by the people submitting. This is the best protection against tyranny.

Love and Submission (2) Why

Love and submission are inseparably entwined.

It is obvious that husband and wives should love each other. This means that they will also to submit to each other. Which is what Paul said.

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ (Eph 5:21).

So why does Paul say that wives should submit to their husbands (Eph 5:22) and that wives should submit to their husbands (Eph 5:25)?

I believe that Paul’s presentation reflects their weaknesses, not their strength.

Many men tend to be so task focussed that they can easily become so absorbed in their calling that they begin to sacrifice their wives and families to the cause. They need to be reminded to love their wives. They often get puffed up about their wisdom, so they think they know what is best for their wives. The solution is love. Because they are strong, the natural sin of men is to slip into domination. In the worst case, this becomes violence. The antidote is love.

Women usually understand much better how relationships work, so they can slip into manipulating a relationship to get what they want. The antidote for manipulation is submission. Women love their children, so they can be inclined to put their needs before God’s work. If they love God and their husbands, they will sometimes need to submit to what God is doing, even if it has a cost for their family.

Love and Submission (1)

Love and submission are inseparably entwined. The common teaching that husbands love and wives submit fails to understand that there is no love without submission.

Love is not self-seeking (1 Cor 13:5).

When you love someone, you want what they want, more than what you want. You cannot help yourself. So when you love someone, you find yourself submitting to their will more often than to your own will. If you don’t, you probably do not love as much as you think you do.

Likewise, Christian submission is freely given out of love. Submission that is demanded by someone because they are superior or higher in the hierarchy is not true submission. True submission is a free response to love and wisdom. Demanded submission is domination.

Submitting to someone who loves you is easy, because they want what is good for you. This is why it is easy to submit to Jesus.

Jesus was the wisdom (word) that was there at the beginning and created all things (John 1:1-3). He did not need anyone to tell him what to do. Yet he loved to submit to the will of the Father (John 5:19).

Love and submission are different sides of the same coin.

• You cannot truly love without submitting.
• True submission requires love.

Love and Submission (7) ERSCA

The debate about Eternal Relations of Authority and Submission in the Trinity has been interesting because, there has been very little discussion about the nature of authority.

Bruce Ware says,

The position of greater authority is always held by the Father while the position of submission to that authority is always held by the Son and the Spirit.

Because the Father is the eternal Father of the eternal Son..., he eternally possesses and expresses authority.

Wyatt Graham puts it this way.

The Son differs from the Father by submitting, while the Father to the Son by exerting authority.

Ware does not say what he means by “expressing authority”. Graham never says what he means by “exerting authority”.

I presume they live in a culture that believes that men are better at making decisions, so they can demand submission from their wives. I guess they would call this “exerting” their authority.

If there is something innate in the Father that means that the Son has to obey him, then that is not really authority. It would be domination of the Son, which would mean that he is not equal with the Father, but subordinate.

Ware and Graham do not say what they mean by “expressing” or “exerting”, but it suggests that the Father is doing something that makes the Son obey. That is concerning, because a person with authority can issue a command and know that it will be acted on. This can occur for two reasons.

• The person with authority has power or the ability to compel the person to obey. The soldier obeyed the centurion, because he knew that if he disobeyed, the whole weight of the Roman Empire would come down on him. This is Imposed Authority.
• The person receiving the command loves and trusts, the person issuing the command and has freely chosen to submit to them. I call this Free Authority. A person gains authority when someone freely submits to them, because they love them. The person submitting actually creates the authority of the person they submit to. That means that they can take the authority away, if they lose their trust, and stop submitting.

I cannot see any place for Imposed Authority in the Trinity. The Father would never impose his will on the Son. He would not threaten him, if he chose not to obey.

If the Son submits to the Father, it will be because he loves him. Therefore, at the point where the Father tells the Son what to do, he has no authority. Rather, the Son creates authority for the Father by freely submitting to his command. There is no need for the Father to “exert authority” or “express authority”, because the Son loves him. Instead, the Father receives authority from the Son, when he freely submits to his will.

The relationship should be rearly be called an Eternal Relations of Submission Creating Authority (ERSCA).

Love and Submission (6) Fathers and Sons

The relationship between a father and a son begins with love, not authority. When a baby is born, all the father can do is love and provide for his son. He has no authority to tell his baby son what to do, because the son cannot speak or understand commands.

As he grows, the son submits to his father, because he recognises his father’s love. This creates his father's authority. The father can reinforce his authority by picking up the son and carrying where he wants him to go. He can also strengthen his authority with sanctions, such as timeout or loss of privileges. If the father threatens force, he might obey his fathers out of fear, but that is not ideal.

When the son gets older, he realises that he does not have to obey his father, if he does not want to. The father’s authority can disappear, if his son does not understand his love.

Adult sons usually leave their father’s home. They will continue to appreciate their father’s advice, so the father still has limited authority in his son’s life.

Love and Submission (5) Elders and Husbands

The scriptures do not give elders authority. Elders are commanded to watch over people, serve them and protect them. But they are not given authority to control them.

Because we are engaged in a spiritual battle, new Jesus-followers are encouraged to submit to elders. This free action gives authority to the elder (an elder does not have an innate authority). They only have authority that is created when someone submits to them. If the people submitting lose their respect for the elder and withdraw their submission, the elder loses their authority.

Elders often demand that people in their church submit to them. This is a false understanding of authority. If people must obey them, they are exercising domination and control, which is a distortion of true authority. True authority is given by freely by submission, it cannot be demanded.

The same applies to husbands and wives. Wives are urged to submit to their husbands (just as husbands have to submit to the will of their wives, because they love them). Husbands do not have innate authority that allows them to demand that their wives obey them. Demanded obedience is actually domination.

Submission that cannot be freely withdrawn at any time, is domination and control, not true authority.

Christians should stop claiming that they have authority, because they are male or mature, or have been appointed to a particular role. They should earn authority, by loving, serving and demonstrating wisdom.

Love and Submission (4) Active not Passive

Submission in the New Testament is active, not passive. The Greek word “upotasso” means to place yourself under another. The person submitting actively places themselves under the person that they have chosen to submit to. This is a free action. This gives the person that they submit to authority in their life. It also means that they can remove the authority, if they decide not to submit.

Christians often present submission as passive. They assume that a person with authority can demand that others submit to them, but this is a distortion of true authority. Submission is a choice. If a person has to submit, then they do not have a choice, and they have lost the freedom that God created in them.

True biblical submission is voluntary. If the person with authority is unreasonable, immoral, or unlawful, the people who have submitted to them are free to withdraw their submission.

Submission has to be earned with love and service. If they person with authority stops loving and serving, they will lose their authority, because people will stop submitting to them.

The person who submits creates their authority of another person. This gives them the power to destroy the authority, if it goes wrong. Allowing people with authority to demand submission, eliminates this protection, and enhances domination and control. This is wrong. Authority must be controlled by the people submitting. This is the best protection against tyranny.

Love and Submission (3) ERAS

Theological bloggers have recently stirred up a ruckus about the doctrine of the Trinity. A group of theologians led by Wayne Grudem have argued that within the Trinity there is an eternal submission of the Son to the Father. They used to call it Eternal Subordination, but now refer to it as “Eternal Relations of Authority and Submission” (ERAS). Other theologians argue this is a denial of the Nicene Creed.

I am not going to get into the arcane arguments, but simply note that the label ERAS shows that they do not understand authority. The order of the words indicates that they see authority as prior to submission, ie authority requires submission. The Father has authority, so the Son must submit.

If they really understood authority they would put it the label the other way round as ERSA. Relations of Submission and Authority would be quite different. Authority can be obtained in two ways.

• Authority can be taken, usually taken with threats of force.
• Authority can be given, by some agreeing to submit to the wisdom of another.

Authority is not something innate in a person’s character. It is not something a person can just have.

If the relationship between the Father and the Son begins with the authority of the Father, it cannot be something innate in the person of the Father. The Father would only have authority over the son, if he could force the Son to obey him. This would be domination of the Son by the Father, or Imposed Authority. The Son would be subordinate to the Father, so not truly divine.

The only way that the Father can have authority over the Son is if the Son freely submits to the Father, creating the authority of the Father. Free submission creates the authority of the person submitted to. This authority is temporary and limited. The person given authority only gets authority over the aspects of life that are submitted to them. If the person giving submitting withdraws their submission, the authority created disappears.

I do not know if there is a relationship of Authority and Submission between the Father and the son. But if there is, it must be a relationship of submission and authority, in which the Son gives authority to the Father by freely submitting to him. The submission of the Son would come first and create the authority of the Father.

The fact that the proponents of ERAS begin with authority suggests that they have a distorted view of authority, in which the one with authority can demand the submission of another. This is domination, not true authority

Love and Submission Again

Love and submission are inseparably entwined.

It is obvious that husband and wives should love each other. This means that they will also submit to each other.

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ (Eph 5:21).

So why does Paul say that wives should submit to their husbands (Eph 5:22) and that wives should submit to their husbands ((Eph 5:25)?

I believe that this presentation reflects their weaknesses, not their strengths.

Many men tend to be so task-focussed that they can easily become so absorbed in their calling that they begin to sacrifice their wives and families to the cause. They need to being reminded to love their wives. They often get puffed up about their wisdom, so they think they know what is best for their wives. The solution is love. Because they are strong, the natural sin of men is to slip into domination. In the worst case this becomes violence. The antidote is love.

Women usually understand much better how relationships work, so they can slip into manipulating a relationship to get what they want. The antidote for manipulation is submission. Women love their children, so they can be inclined to put their needs before God’s work. If they love God and their husbands, they will sometimes need to submit to what God is doing, even if it has a cost for their family.

So husbands and wives should love each other, and that means that one or other will frequently need to submit to the will of the other.

Love and Submission

Love and submission are inseparably entwined. The common teaching that husbands love and wives submit fails to understand that this is no love without submission.

Love is not self-seeking (1 Cor 13:5).

When you love someone, you want what they want, more than what you want. You cannot help yourself. So when you love someone, you find yourself submitting to their will more often than to your own will. If you don’t, you probably do not love as much as you think you do.

Likewise, Christian submission is freely given out of love. Submission that is demanded by someone because they are superior or higher in the hierarchy is not true submission. True submission is a free response to love and wisdom. Demanded submission is domination.

Submitting to someone who loves you is easy, because they want what is good for you. This is why it is easy to submit to Jesus.

Jesus was the wisdom (word) that was there at the beginning and created all things (John 1:1-3). He did not need anyone to tell him what to do.Yet he loved to submit to the will of the Father (John 5:19).

Love and submission are different sides of the same coin.
• You cannot truly love without submitting.
• True submission requires love.

Submission or Control

Authority is a topic that gets Christians stirred up. Who should exercise authority in the church? Must everyone submit to the pastor: Do apostles have authority over pastors? Must prophets submit to pastors? These debates focus on control of the church.

The problem is that when control is at work in a church at any level, the spiritual powers of evil have authority to work in it. The question we should be asking why the spiritual powers of evil have authority to work in the church.

The biblical model is that we must all submit to one another and love each other. That means that even the most experienced pastor or prophet can be challenged by a new Christian. Submitting to one another eliminates control and shuts the spiritual powers of evil out of the church.

Submission and Authority

When we submit to other Christians, we give them authority to act on our behalf against evil. God has made me free, so other people can only have authority in my life, if I give it to them. I give another person authority in my life by submitting to them. If I submit to friends in my church, they have authority to resist evil on my behalf. The more I submit to them, the more spiritual authority they will have to resist any evil that is attacking me.

This relationship between spiritual authority and submission is not well understood. We often ask other Christians to pray for us, but without much affect, because they have very little authority in our lives. They do not have authority, because we have not given it to them. We tend to assume that a large number of people praying for us will be more effective against the attacks of the enemy. This is a fallacy. When resisting evil, two or three Christians who have real authority in our lives, because we have submitted to them, will be much more effective.

Healing: Insights for Christian Elders, p.69.

Praying Sickness

If a Christian who is sick asks me to pray for them, I often wonder what they are requesting. There are several possibilities.

They think that I can persuade God heal them, because they cannot. This is odd. If the person who is sick cannot persuade God, why do they think that I can?
Maybe they think that God works on a democratic principle, and will only act when a significant number of people are making the request. That is odd, too.

They might consider that their sickness is an attack from something so big that they cannot handle it on their own. This makes sense. If they sickness is an attack from evil spiritual forces, the sick person may not some help to deal with it. The problem is that I do not have the power to deal with spiritual powers. Only the Holy Spirit can do that. What I can bring is spiritual authority. The Holy Spirit needs human authority to release his authority against evil.

This leaves another question hanging. Why would I have authority in this situation? I will only have authority in the sick person’s life, if they have given it to me. If they are a brother or sisters in the same body, and we have submitted to each other for spiritual protection and to encourage each other in the Lord, I will have some authority (see Power Pairs).

If the sick person is just a casual acquaintance, I will have no authority in their life, so I am not in a place to resist evil with them.

This why the Bible says that sick Christians should go to their elders (James 5). The sick person should have freely submitted to their elders, so the elders will have authority in the sick person’s life, that enables them to resist the evil powers causing the sickness. The elders cannot persuade God to do anything, but they can resist the evil thing that has intruded into the sick person’s life.

Submission and authority work together to produce spiritual protection (not control).

There is more on this theme in my book on healing.

Church Governance (12)

The most important thing that elders do is submit to each other. They are often talented leaders, who do not find it easy to submit to others. They will often have very different personalities and giftings. Pastors do not find it easy to submit to prophets. Apostles do not enjoy submitting to people who are more settled.

Elders will not find it easy to submit to each other, but it is important that they do, for their own spiritual protection, and to provide an example for others. If they are not willing to submit to each other, they cannot expect other Christian to submit to their oversight.