Christian Marriage (11)

As covenant marriage takes place before the church, the people of the church must be involved in the administration of divorce. A Christian seeking a divorce would apply to the elders of their Church. These elders would have the gift of discernment and would know the person’s characters, so they would be in a good position to decide if divorce is justified. Their goal would be to restore the marriage, so they would only approve a divorce as a last resort. If they agreed to a divorce, they would also advise the elders in the church where the couple was married.

Christian Marriage (9) Grounds

In the scriptures, there are two grounds for divorce.

1. A person has grounds for divorce if their marriage partner commits adultery or engages in other immoral sexual activity. Jesus said,
   

   I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery (Matt 5:32).

   Although this is a warning against divorce, the implication is that divorce is allowable in cases of adultery. The Greek word for marital unfaithfulness is “pornea”, which covers a broad range of sexual sins, and not just adultery. All forms of sexual immorality are grounds for divorce, because they break the marriage union.
   

2. The second ground for divorce is wilful desertion by a non-Christian spouse. Paul addressed the problem that arises when one of a married couple becomes a Christian.
   

   If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him (1 Cor 7:12,13).

   Being married to an unbeliever is not grounds for divorce, because the unbelieving spouse is sanctified by the faith of the believing spouse (1 Cor 7:14). However, Paul goes on to say,
   

   But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace (1 Cor 7:15).

   Paul uses the same word “bound” in Romans 7:2-3 to explain that a widow is free to marry again. He explains to the Corinthians that a deserted spouse is “not bound”, so they are free to marry another person.
   
   When a person becomes a Christian and their spouse refuses to continue living with them, the Christian is able to seek a divorce. On the other hand, if the non-Christian is willing to stay, then the Christian cannot divorce. The expression “be willing stay” is quite strong. The Greek words mean “be glad to make a home with.” This is not mere toleration. It means making a home together. If the unbelieving husband is willing to stay, but keeps on abusing his wife, she would be entitled to leave.

Christian Marriage (8) Divorce

A Christian marriage covenant should also specify the conditions for divorce. These should not be decided by the civil government, but should come God’s word He created marriage and he makes two people one, so he is the only one who can say when a marriage union has been dissolved.

The biblical teaching on divorce is quite straightforward. The starting point is that God hates divorce (Mal 2:16). Marriage is the foundation of godly society, so any attack on marriage is an attack on the foundation of society

So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate (Mk 10:8-9).

This is why God hates divorce. It is treason against the basic institution of society.
This does not mean that divorce is totally forbidden. Jesus explained that God understands human weakness, so he allows divorce in certain circumstances. Moses allowed divorce for hardness of heart.

Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning (Matt 19:8).

This was sensible. Moses was leading people who did not have benefits of the cross or gift of the spirit, so they could not live up to God’s standards. They needed a way out of marriage when sin made a mess of their lives. When people’s hearts are hard, divorce is sometimes necessary, even though it was not part of God’s original plan. However, it should always be the last resort.

Jesus ministry on earth ushered in a new age. His death on the cross dealt with the problem of sin. The outpouring of the Holy Spirit opened up the way for a new standard of holiness. The fruit of the Spirit would soften hard hearts, reducing the need for divorce. That is why Jesus reminded his people of God’s original intent. There should be no divorce, except in cases of adultery (Mark 10:11).

I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery (Matt 19:9).

God has made two people one. Adultery destroys the oneness that marriage establishes, so it destroys the marriage. God does not like things he has joined being broken apart, so divorce among Christians should be rare. However divorce will sometimes necessary, even with the Holy Spirit at work.

Divorce in the Modern World (3) - Pastoral Reality

The pastoral reality that we have to deal with is a world that is all messed up and many in the church are messed up too. So if divorced Christians are acknowledging their failures and wanting to make a new beginning, we should encourage them. If they are willing to commit to a new marriage, Christians pastors should be willing to marry them. Churches should be willing to support them.

On the other hand, if they want to continue living a selfish lifestyle, we might need to challenge them. We should not encourage those who a stuck in selfishness to enter a new marriage, because they will probably just get more of the same.

This is not a drift in the biblical principles. It is a Christian response to the situation that has emerged in a sinful world. Our calling has always been to work with the cross and the Spirit to clean up the mess that evil has made in the world. Christians should be skilled in sorting this stuff.

Pauls describes the ideal in 1 Cor 7:10-11. If Christian separate from their spouse, they should ideally remain single, or be reconciled. However, this ideal includes a church that provides the same level of emotional, spiritual and monetary support, as it would provide to a widow of a martyr. The separated person should still have a fulfilled life supported by their Christian community. In our world, life often does not work out like that. The modern church is not capable of providing the level of support needed after the separation, or before it for that matter.

People left on their own often get drawn to others of the opposite sex. We were created to relate to others, so it is natural for a person living in isolation to get entangled with another.

Once it has happened, Christians have to deal with the situation as it is. When a separated Christian comes and asks their pastor, if they can marry again, they are not usually asking a theoretical question. They already know who they want to marry. They have already committed adultery with them in their hearts by choosing to unite with another, so they are technical divorced in God’s eyes and free to marry. So the pastor does not need to feel guilty about marrying them.

Divorce in the Modern World (2) - Application

People who are not Christians can do what they like. We cannot expect them to live up to God’s standards. Where sin abounds, divorce will be inevitable for a huge variety of reasons.

With the current state of the church, we can expect divorce and remarriage to be common among Christians too. Moses’ hardness of heart principle seems to be relevant. When the church is ambivalent about the God’s standards and lacking the fullness of the Spirit, we cannot expect Christians to be walking in his ways.

We must understand that the reason Christians are allowed to divorce and remarry is “hardness of heart”. The spirit of the world is rampant in the church, so divorce naturally follows.

We must recognise that it is not just the people whose marriages have failed, but the “hardness of heart” of the church is almost a greater problem. The modern church provides inadequate discipleship, so it produces weak Christians. It should not be surprised if they fall into sin and want divorce. The modern church, does not understand spiritual protection (partly because it has bought into the “covering” lie) so the spiritual forces of evil are often free to tear couples apart. The increase in Christian divorce represents the failure of the church, not the failure of the people being divorced. If the church does not have the spiritual power to protect couples from attack, it does not have the right to prevent them from divorcing.

Divorce represents a failure of love. We are required to love each other, as Jesus loved us. That should be able to overcome most obstacles. The reasons commonly given for Christians divorcing are usually quite lame:

• We have different interests;
• We are going in different directions;
• We have become different people to what we were when we married;

These are all things that agape love should be able to overcome. There will be failures of love among Christians, but it should not be taken lightly, as it represents our failure to live out the love of Jesus.

Widespread divorce amongst Christians undermines our gospel witness, as it implies that the gospel and the Spirit are not very effective.

The church appears hypocritical when it is vehemently hostile towards homosexuals and intolerant of homosexual marriage, but is tolerant of widespread adultery and divorce among Christians.

Adultery is a more serious sin than divorce. When a Christian separate or divorce, they are deciding to stop loving each other. That is not good, but it is a sin of omission rather than commission. Adultery occurs when one of them hooks up with another person. This is serious because they are uniting themselves with another person, when God has made them one with their spouse. Adultery divides something that God has created. In practice, most people who divorce their husband or wife have already committed adultery in their hearts (Matt 5:28), even if they have not gone there physically.

This is the prophetic perspective. Tomorrow, I will conclude with some more pastoral suggestions.

Divorce in the Modern World (1) - Biblical Teaching

A friend asked for my views on divorce. The next three posts give my response.

The biblical teaching on divorce is fairly straightforward.

• God hates divorce (Mal 2:16). I notice that the latest edition of the NIV has watered this down. Interesting!!

• Moses allowed divorce for hardness of heart (Mark 10:5,6). This was sensible. The people he led did not have the cross or the spirit, so they could not live up to God’s standards. They need a way out when sin made a mess of their lives.

• Jesus was staunch against divorce. His position is based in creation. God has made two people one. There must be no divorce, except in cases of adultery (Mark 10:6-11; Matt 19:9). Adultery destroys the oneness that marriage establishes, so it destroys the marriage.

• Paul softened Jesus stand by allowing divorce when a person becomes a Christian and their spouse refuses to continue living with them. The Christian spouse is “not bound” (1 Cor 7:15). This means that they are free to remarry (Rom 7:2,3). On the other hand, if the non-Christian is willing to stay, then the Christian cannot divorce. We must note two; things about this.
  

  • The expression “be willing stay” is quite strong. The Greek words mean “be glad to make a home with.” This is not mere toleration. It means making a home together. If the unbelieving husband were to keep on abusing his wife, she would be entitled to leave.
  • The unbelieving spouse receives salvations by living with their Christian spouse (1 Cor 7:14). Our individualistic world does not understand the power of this. It is another way of getting unbelievers to heaven.

• Paul does not condone divorce where both spouses are Christians (1 Cor 7:10-11).

• Paul allows a Christian wife to have a spell apart from her husband, if things are not working out (1 Cor 7:10-11).
  

  • The separated wife must try to reconcile with her Christian husband.
  • She must remain unmarried until they are reconciled.
  • If the Christian husband committed adultery while they are apart she would be free to remarry.
  • Temporary separation provides an escape for a Christian wife who is being abused by their Christian husbands.
  • Paul does not offer temporary separation as an option two husbands. In this letter, he is quite specific about applies to men and what applies to women, so we cannot use an argument from silence. He offers women the option of temporary separation, because they are more vulnerable. Christian men do not get this option, because they have economic and physical power. This continues the protections for woman provided in the Old Testament.

• The Bible does not have a hierarchy of sins. Sin is sin. Divorce is no better or worse than other sins. The cross can deal with divorce, just as effectively as any other sin. There is no sin too tough for the cross.